Tres Leches Cake

Tres Leches Cake
This is a foolproof cake. You can’t mess it up, no matter how hard you try. It’s a sweet cake that’s good whether it’s light or dense, browned or spongy, soaked or dry. You can substitute evaporated milk for condensed milk (which I would NOT recommend)- and it’ll still be good. It’s foolproof. I used to think democracy was foolproof, then SOMEONE thought it was a good idea to put an autocratic, depraved numbskull in charge, all because 10% of Americans decided to stay home and be morally superior, because we all know there’s really no right choice between a woman and an inexperienced, racist, sexist dimwit, so you should just ABSTAIN from voting, like the virtuous peabrain you are. Sorry. Still mad. Ain’t never getting over this. Where was I going? Right! The cake is foolproof, but I bet Congress can still find a way to mess it up, profit off of it, and laugh in their lake houses while the American way of life crumbles. Speaking of crumbles, this cake doesn’t do that. I love this cake.
3/4 cup flour
3 eggs
1/4 cup sugar
1/3 cup yogurt
8 oz condensed milk
1/2 cup heavy cream
2 teaspoons vanilla
Start by preheating the oven to 375 F.
Cream the yogurt and sugar together until it’s light and fluffy,
then crack in the eggs. Beat that in too- for at least 5 minutes. So, way longer than I beat the eggs in. The mixture should be light, almost custard in color, and foamy.
Add in the vanilla- Mexican vanilla is best, but regular is fine. I feel like Ina Garten when I say that. Beat in the flour too, and whisk it up until it’s light and foamy.
t and foamy! I wonder if using a milk frother as a whisk would work. Tune into next week, for my story about how I made a colossal mess and broke the milk frother! Most of my stories end like that.
Pour the batter into a greased pan,
 and bake it at 375 F for 20 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean.
Maybe one day I’ll start giving Celsius temperatures. I don’t get Celsius. You can’t fit that much between 0 and 40?. Where’s the expression? The elaboration? The imagination? Americans might not have any of that, but at least we have it in our numbers. Wait, actually, this is the home of the deep fried Snickle (a Snickers bar stuffed in a pickle, then dipped in batter and deep fried). Americans have tons of imagination. Maybe we need a bit less, actually. When the cake is done, let it cool. Don’t leave it in the hot oven! It’ll dry out. In the meanwhile, whip the cream. Add some sugar and vanilla if you’re feeling dangerous.
When the cake is cooled, start poking holes in it. Grab a fork and go crazy.
Then pour the condensed milk all over it- I used evaporated, and it wasn’t nearly as tooth-cloyingly sweet as it should have been.
Leave the milk to soak in for at least 30 minutes. When it’s done, frost it with the whipped cream, and serve it cold! I like to put a maraschino cherry on it, because it looks cutesey and makes me feel like Lana Del Rey. At the end of the day, if I’ve felt like Ina Garten or Lana Del Rey at least once, it’s been a good day.

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