So, what do you do when your basil plant is starting to droop, you have an open packet of turkey breast in your fridge, and you want pasta really, really badly? Simple. You make pesto, throw in the turkey breast and some cavatappi, and call […]
I don’t like eggplant. I don’t like it at all. I think it’s slimy, and unappealing, and weird. Kind of like the government right now. The difference is, you can deep fry eggplant and make it good. Most things are good deep fried! That sounds so American. I’ve been trying to pass for French since the election. Two years of Rosetta Stone, and I’m still not past hon hon oui baguette. I’m hoping that my knowledge of how to tie a square scarf 73 ways and general disdain for people will help.
½ cup chopped walnuts. Not to be confused with ½ cup of walnuts, chopped.
1 tablespoon olive oil
½ tablespoon red wine vinegar
¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 head garlic
⅓ cup water
1 tablespoon sugar
1 tablespoon dried parsley
2 teaspoons ground coriander
Start by heating up some oil. This will take forever. This is normal.
In the meanwhile, slice up the eggplant. You want to make thin slices- not thick slabs that will break as soon as you try to roll them up. I speak from experience here.
Deep fry the eggplant- it will need to sit in the oil for about 3 minutes each side.
Now peel the garlic.
In the meanwhile, throw literally all the remaining ingredients in a blender. I’ve been saying literally a lot these days. I think it’s all the pumpkin spice lattes I’ve been drinking. It’s finally getting cold, which means I can drink all the caffeinated, liquidized pumpkin pie I want!
Puree everything in the blender, and then set it aside. It should be all soft and mushy now.
Remember to turn the eggplant over, or it’ll become burnt and useless. Kind of like behavioral economics. Okay, so behavioral economics isn’t burnt, but it sure is useless. Who thought this was a good idea?! And who thought the theory of rational expectations warrented a Nobel Prize?! People will use all the information available to them when making economic decisions? You mean people DON’T blindly gamble on their future? Revolutionary! Has anyone seen the picture of Robert Lucas holding his Nobel Prize? You can see the incredulity on his face that people actually fell for it. I think the whole thing is a con worthy of Machiavelli. Anyways. *Deep breath*. I’m okay now. All good. Just had to get that out. I’m just a bit touchy since the umpteenth behavioral economist got the Nobel Prize this year.
By now, all the eggplant should be done, so remove it to a plate lined with paper towels to drain all the oil. You really only need a couple of sheets- not half the roll.
Spoon on the paste, and spread it out. You can roll it up, if you like, or just leave it open. I left it open- much easier to eat!
Garnish it with cilantro to add a pop of freshness and color.
This is my go to recipe when I’ve been studying for 7 hours straight and I can’t remember how to spell blue and I NEED PASTA. It takes all of 5 minutes to throw together, and it’s surprisingly healthy! SAT season is coming, and whether you’re taking an exam or have to deal with someone who is, it’s handy to have this in your arsenal. The best part is, it only has 4 ingredients, which are all probably in your pantry right now!
8 oz angel hair spaghetti
2 green onions
5 cloves garlic
1 tablespoon worcestershire sauce (How do you pronounce it? I like to say it Wur-ses-ter-shy-ree. I learned it from Shrek 3. Donkey taught me everything I know now)
Start by peeling and dicing the garlic. I recently tried the hack of putting hard boiled eggs in a box and shaking the peel off, and it worked really well! So well that I got carried away and tried that with garlic. 20 minutes of shaking later, it worked. Maybe just peeling it is easier.
Feel free to add more garlic! Cold and flu season is also coming, and there’s a bunch of nasty bacteria everywhere. Did you know there’s actually a germ running the country right now? Yeah, a bunch of anti vaxxers voted for him. Blech.
By the way, you should have a pot of water boiling now!
Drop in the angel hair AFTER you chop the garlic- the pasta will be done in literally two minutes.
Slice the ends off the green onions, and slice em up. Who thinks this green onion would make a better president than the Germ? It wouldn’t be fool enough to WAIT THIS LONG TO ANNOUNCE THEIR PICK FOR THE PRESIDENT OF THE FED, I KNOW THAT REALITY TV IS THE ONLY TALENT THEY HAVE, BUT THE MARKETS CANNOT TAKE THIS THERE IS TOO MUCH SPECULATION GOING ON YOU ARE LITERALLY GOING TO CAUSE ANOTHER DEPRESSION BECAUSE YOU LIKE DRAMA YOU WOULD KNOW THIS IF YOU KNEW HOW TO READ YOU DIM WITTED FASCIST.
Ahem. Sorry. Needed to get that out. Anyways! While we were talking about the markets, the pasta boiled. Drain the water,
and drizzle in a touch of olive oil so that the noodles don’t stick together.
Then pour in the worcestershire, and throw in the garlic.
Toss it all together, then right before you serve it, add in the green onions.
They’ll add a great pop of color and freshness!
DANDELION GREEN PESTO WITH PROSCIUTTO
Once upon a time, I went grocery shopping, which I happen to love. And I saw dandelion greens. And the rest of the store faded away. It was just me and those greens. It was like I wasn’t even moving of my own accord, I just knew those greens and I belonged together. Flash forward to today, when I was looking at the greens in my crisper, wondering what to do with them. Visions of ravioli, soups, frittatas, and salads went through my head, but I settled on this pesto. One of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I had also bought some prosciutto, (I’ll be posting another prosciutto recipe soon), and had some leftover angel hair pasta. It was brilliant. Not to toot my own horn or anything.
4 oz dandelion greens
7 cloves garlic (add less if you’re a wimp/normal human)
2 oz parmesan
2 tablespoons pine nuts
1 cup olive oil (not shown)
2 tablespoons sugar (also not shown)
4 oz prosciutto
5 mozzarella slices (one for serving, four for snacking)
Start by eating a slice of mozzarella, and washing and slicing the ends off the greens.
My food processor is delicate, so I’ll usually slice the greens into pieces before pulverizing them.
Now would also be a good time to peel the garlic!
And it’s also a good time to eat a slice of mozzarella. Once the greens are broken down,
throw in the garlic, salt, parmesan (which should be sliced up), and pine nuts, and eventually add in the oil and sugar.
Pesto might seem like an odd place for sugar, but believe me, it needs it. I originally hadn’t intended to add it, but when I tasted the pesto, it was incredibly bitter and also spicy from the garlic, so I added the sugar to tone it down a bit. When all is said and done and the pesto looks like pesto, despite having no basil and enough garlic to kill a herd of vampires (I don’t know if kill is the right word, seeing as they’re, ya know, already dead, but violently destroy their life force doesn’t really have the same ring to it), get the prosciutto ready, and eat another slice of mozzarella. You’ve earned it. I like to get it a bit on the crispy side,
which is weird, cause I usually eat meat as undercooked as possible without getting salmonella or E. Coli or some other freaky sounding disease. To serve, mound a pile of angel hair or any other spaghetti on a plate, eat a slice of mozzarella, pour some pesto on top, arrange prosciutto around it, and top it with a big ol’ slice of mozzarella. Sprinkle on some black pepper to finish, and you have one delightful summer lunch!
Here’s the full recipe, with ingredients and instructions: Dandelion Green Pesto with Prosciutto