Alert the media- cake doesn’t need flour. Or butter. Or milk. It needs eggs, though. Sorry vegans. And vanilla. But did you know that with almond flour, a bit of sugar, eggs, and vanilla, you can make the best, most moist, easiest cake in the […]
Look, it doesn’t get much better than this. A light, fluffy, spongy cake, soaked in syrup and topped with honey and nuts. INGREDIENTS Cake: 2 eggs 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 2 tablespoons sugar 2 tablespoons greek yogurt 1/4 cup flour Syrup: 2 tablespoons honey 1 […]
Let me tell you a little story. There was cream cheese about to go bad. And I wanted cheesecake. So, I decided to make cheesecake. Y’all with me so far? Good. So, I arrange all my ingredients. I’ve decided to make a classic cheesecake with berries on top. I’ve taken my ingredient shot, when I think it would be adorable to make cheesecake cups! I then spend 20 minutes looking for the cupcake pan. I do not find it. So, I screech for my long suffering, ever patient mother to help me find it. She finds it in 2 minutes. I go on a 10 minute rant about witchcraft and the like, while she reads the newspaper and periodically says “that’s nice, dear”. For those of you who are good at math (or, you know, can do basic addition), 32 minutes have gone by- not counting the time I spend getting ingredients out. I’ve been in the kitchen the whole time. And I do not remember that our oven is not working. Fingers crossed the fine admissions office at Yale never sees this. So, at this point, I make big plans to give up and hide in my closet all evening reading Hemingway (I was feeling tragic). But something kept me in the kitchen. What was it? Persistence? Tenacity? Integrity? Nah, I just really wanted cheesecake. You’ll find this was the driving force behind several significant events in my life. I like cheesecake. So, I omitted the egg, and made no-bake cheesecake. Thank you for listening. I’ll await the call from the folks who give out the Pulitzer Prize now.
⅓ cup cream cheese (full fat. FULL FAT.)
¼ cup sour cream
2 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
5 tablespoons butter
8 oz Marie biscuits
2 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
Start by crushing the biscuits. If you’ve got one of them newfangled food processors, use those. If you tried to grind peppercorns in yours, which resulted in it breaking, put the biscuits in a sandwich bag
and crush them with a rolling pin. I should really stop broadcasting all of this to the world, just in case Yale ever sees this. Or am I doing this subconsciously so that if I don’t get into Yale, my ego will be soothed by the fact that they judged me for this, and not because I wasn’t good enough? Is all of this just a big production to protect my superiority complex? Well?! I’m stressed now. I’m going to go crush some Marie biscuits. Once they’re crushed,
dump them into a bowl, and then melt the butter, pour it in, and add the sugar and vanilla.
Mix that in, and eat a spoon. Okay, two spoons. Three? Fine, three spoons.
Then put it in the other room while you make the filling so you don’t eat all of it. You’re going to need to. Now throw the cream cheese, sour cream,
and sugar into a bowl
and beat it it until it’s nice and creamy.
That’s it for the filling! Easy as pie. Cheesecake? Easy as cheesecake? Easy as tiramisu? Easy as impeaching the President? Who said that? Not me. This is all getting too existential. Divide the crust into a cupcake pan, and press it in and around the edges with a spoon or your (clean) fingers.
Pour in the filling,
and freeze it for about 3 hours, or until it’s totally set. It’ll have a nice matte finish.
Serve it with coffee to cut the sweetness!
So, I was looking for a recipe from the Central African Republic, which can be pretty difficult if you have no cassava or manioc. But then I found this ginger cake! I loved it’s simplicity. See, when there’s not many ingredients, it’s just that much easier to mix it up! And this cake, even in its unadulterated form, is amazing. Perfect for tea! It holds it’s structure so well, you could even dip it in tea if it strikes your fancy! It would also be good drizzled with chocolate. Anything is good drizzled with chocolate.
2 cups whole wheat flour
⅓ cup sugar
3 tablespoons ginger powder
2 teaspoons cinnamon
2 teaspoons vanilla (Isn’t this just the prettiest bottle? It was a Christmas present, I just love it)
1 stick of butter, softened
⅔ cup water
Preheat the oven to 350 F
Start by realizing you forgot to set the butter out to soften, so stick in the microwave and frantically watch it to make sure it doesn’t melt. When that’s done, dump the flour into the bowl,
and then pour in the sugar Isn’t that a nice nail polish color? I painted my nails this light blue to fool myself into thinking it’s spring. I still can’t seem to think of any good ways of deluding myself into thinking that the leader of the free world isn’t a Twitter obsessed baby with an ego complex. Man, I thought I was narcissistic, and then the Pres- sorry, Supreme Orange Overlord came along.
Grab the cinnamon, and chuck that in. It just brightens up dishes, sweet or savory! The day I found out that cinnamon could be used in savory dishes, it was like being born again. Speaking of which, any way that I could take a break from the whole existing thing, and then be born again around 2020? Preferably after November, or, if people are delusional, cretinous, ignoramuses again, 2024. Either works.
Now pour in the ginger- you can cut back on it a bit, it was just a tad strong. For a slightly different flavor, grate in fresh ginger! I might try that next time.
Mix these up,
and then pour in the vanilla.
I’m not entirely sure if there is vanilla in the Central African Republic, but that’s alright. Just go with it. Mix that in, then chuck in the butter.
Since it’s softened, you should be able to mix it in pretty easily. It should have lumps everywhere when you’re done.
Now pour in the water!
I started with ½ cup, but that was way too dry. It should still be quite thick when you’re done, though. More like a dough than a batter.
Plop it into a pan,
nd spread it around with an offset spatula. Bake it for 15 minutes.
It looked like this when it came out. I thought it looked a tad plain,
so I cut some slices and sprinkled it with powdered sugar. This was so good- the ginger was nice and strong, it wasn’t overpoweringly sweet- I like this cake!