Borsok (Also spelled Bursuk, Boorsok, Borsook, and, Borcoc, with both the ’s’ and’k’ sound) is eaten all over central Asia, and I cannot believe I’ve never made this before. See, Borsok are essentially donuts- the Kyrgyz equivalent of Krispy Kreme. Say Kyrgyz Krispy Kreme 5 […]
There is a kind of independence that comes with making garlic bread. You don’t need anyone! Or any Italian restaurants! You can make garlic bread whenever, wherever. Well, as long as you have baguettes, garlic, parsley, and olive oil. This is not to be confused with garlic-cheese bread, which is a cheesy, creamy, decadent affair. This garlic bread is simple, ready in 10 minutes, and the perfect side to pasta! Or, you know, eat it as a main course. This is objectively healthier- you see, if you eat garlic bread and pasta (the latter of which will probably be covered in heavy sauce and cheese), then you’re getting twice the calories, fat, and carbohydrates. Whereas, if you eat just garlic bread, which has VEGETABLES, it’s healthier. No more questions, please.
1 head of garlic
3 oz parsley
3 tablespoons olive oil
Start by peeling the garlic and throwing it into the food processor. Give it a whir so it’s all sliced up. See, I don’t like chopping garlic. And I feel like a fraud! I love garlic, and I love cooking, but I don’t like chopping garlic? Does this mean I don’t like garlic? Does this mean that I’m a bad cook? Do I have to turn in my apron and whisk? Is it bad that I take chopping garlic more seriously than the president takes the future of this country?
Throw in the parsley, and get that all chopped up too.
Then pour in the olive oil, and blend it until it’s a flavorful paste. This is actually a blender. My food processor has gone to the big kitchen in the sky. On the bright side, my oven is finally fixed! It’s amazing! I can bake things! I was on the verge of building a clay oven, throwing in newspaper and a match, and sticking in some pizza dough. I said newspaper because it burns easily and I don’t have any wood. Not because I want to burn the likenesses of the president and his whole administration. Oh no, definitely not.
Preheat the oven to 350 F, and slice the baguettes in half, lengthwise. Spread the paste on.
On a whim, I sprinkled on some mozzarella. Worse things have happened.
Bake it for about 15 minutes, slice it up, and eat it warm!
No, I didn’t skip ahead to S. This is all part of my holiday recipe scheme! That’s a weird way to put it. Never mind. I hear this is what the cool kids eat in Serbia on Christmas Eve- it’s a soda bread baked with a silver coin in it. Whoever gets the slice with the coin in it will be blessed with wealth in the new year. Pro tip: Bake the bread yourself, remember where you put the coin, and give yourself the slice with the coin. Consider all that good luck to be your payment for making the bread. Although, for a yeast-y bread, this is surprisingly simple. Most breads need tons of ingredients, lots of bowls, and to rise for a really long time. Cesnica (one day I hope I’ll be able to pronounce that right) is low maintenance- and *good*.
1 heaping teaspoon active dry yeast
1 cup warm water
2 eggs (plus one more for the egg wash. So 3. 3 eggs)
2 teaspoons lemon juice
4 tablespoons (or half stick) butter
3 cups flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
Start by proofing the yeast. Set aside ¼ cup of the water, and then pour the yeast in their. Let that proof while you get the rest of the ingredients together. Melt the butter, and crack the eggs in.Whisk them together with the lemon juice. This is the first time I’ve ever used lemon juice in bread! I guess that’s where the soda part of the equation comes from.
In a slow, steady stream, pour in the butter, whisking as you go. You don’t want to dump the whole thing in, as the hot butter will cook the eggs. I realized that with some cayenne and a double boiler, I’d have a great hollandaise. I’m saying great in a strictly technical sense. I hate hollandaise. It’s mayonnaise that’s trying too hard. I mean, I can relate, but still. Hollandaise is nasty.
By now, the yeast should have proofed, so pour in the yeasty water.
Stir that together, then in alternate batches, add the flour and water.
Keep going until you have a grainy ball of dough.
Now knead it until it’s smooth. Use a stand mixer and dough hook if you’re a pansy. I like to do it by hand. Very therapeutic.
Let it rise, covered for about 40 minutes, and then? Then you have some fun. If you have a bundt pan, you don’t get to have fun. You get to have a bundt pan like a normal person. This is the better scenario. For the rest of you bundtless peasants, grab a baking sheet and a bowl. Roll the dough out into a cylinder, and wrap it around the bowl. Stand back and admire your handiwork. Feel resourceful. Pat yourself on the back. Tell yourself you could TOTALLY make it in the apocalypse. You can’t, but it’s nice to think about.
Stick the silver coin in, and make sure it’s covered so no one knows you’re rigging it. You could always, you know, be fair. That’s also an option.
Whisk up the last egg with a little bit of water,
and brush the whole thing on. This’ll give it a pretty golden sheen.
Bake it at 350 F for about 40 minutes, slice it up and serve it warm.
Please, please PLEASE tell people the coin is there. It’ll be hot because of the oven, and it’s also a major choking hazard.
So, this is more of a holiday bread. It’s braided, spiced, and just delightfully winter-y. But it’s September, which means it’s fall, which means that it’s pretty much winter, which means that winter is almost over, which means that it’s spring, which means that it’s […]
Bananas are a common theme round these parts. You know, I used to LOATHE bananas. My mom would make me eat a banana every single day when I was little. And yeah, I barely got sick, grew normally, and was always a very healthy little maggot (I call children maggots. I don’t like kids), but I still hated bananas. I rediscovered them this year, since I’ve been trying to cut sugar out of my diet, I was looking for something to fill the void. So, I blended a banana, milk, and some vanilla extract. I swear it tastes exactly like a vanilla ice cream milkshake. So, bananas and me talk again. And they are so good in this bread! As I write this, I’m eating a slice, drizzled with honey. You gotta make this. You’re not going to have peace til you eat this. It’s always the little countries that have the
1 ½ cups self rising flour
6 tablespoons packed brown
1 stick (½ cup) softened butter
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 teaspoons cinnamon
½ teaspoon nutmeg
¾ cup chopped walnuts
¼ cup raisins
Honey, for serving (optional)
Start by throwing the butter into a bowl.
Smush it around a little bit.
Then throw in the sugar (it’s so soothing to see it fall out in one piece),
nd mix it up. It’s probably better if you just use a wooden spoon, but I was feeling lazy, so I used my hand mixer. Once that’s nice and whipped,
pour in the vanilla. Vanilla wasn’t in the original recipe, but I can’t bake without using it. I love using Mexican vanilla! It’s a bit sweeter and more concentrated- kind of like vanilla paste.
Mix that in too,
then crack in the eggs.
Once those are beaten in, set it aside,
You can sift it, if you have a will to live. I lost mine somewhere around my SAT biology test.
Now you have the wet and dry ingredients, it’s time to put the banana and mango in banana and mango bread. A couple of years ago, I discovered a nifty trick for getting all the mango flesh out- I score it,
turn it inside out,
and scrape it out with a spoon. More mango, less work!
Throw the mango chunks into a blender, along with the banana.
Blend that into a smoothie like consistency,
and then add ⅓ of the dry ingredients and the fruit into the wet ingredients.
Mix that in,
then add the rest of the flour in batches.
Once it’s all nice and mixed and satiny,
pour in the walnuts and raisins. Golden raisins might be more aesthetically pleasing, but I was out, and wasn’t about to drive to the store to get some. Not least because I don’t have my permit yet.
Mix those in, then grease a loaf pan,
and pour it in.
Smooth it out, then bake it at 350 for 50 minutes.
Look at how golden-y brown it is!
This is the inside view. All spongy and moist and nutty.
Serve it drizzled with honey and your fourth cup of coffee!