Spicy Cabbage Hash


I ruminated on this title for a long time. Cheesy cruciferous hash was inherently contradictory, the unpretentious former juxtaposed with the intellectual latter (I spent 10 minutes rooting through the dictionary writing that sentence). Red cabbage hash was misleading- there’s no red cabbage in this. Egg, cheese, tomato, cabbage, broccoli, and bell pepper hash got a bit lengthy. So, I went with spicy cabbage hash. I think it does a fair job of covering everything. Right? Right?!



½ head of cabbage (I wanted to list this first of all, because I forgot to put it in the picture)

7 baby bell peppers

2 cups broccoli florets

3 cups spicy tomato juice

2 eggs

4 mozzarella string cheeses

1 ½ tablespoons balsamic vinegar

2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce

1 teaspoon dried oregano

1 teaspoon dried parsley

2 ½ teaspoons garlic powder

1 teaspoon cayenne pepper


Start by heating up half the tomato juice in a shallow pot. If you don’t have any juice, substitute tomato sauce and double the amount of cayenne.  I had meant to use tomato sauce, but I was plumb out. Reducing the tomato juice to the consistency of sauce worked pretty well, though!

Let the juice come to a boil while you slice up the cabbage.

Pour in the balsamic and the Worcestershire,

and then add the herbs and spices.

Throw in the cabbage,

and stir that around while you slice up the bell peppers.

Add those too,

and the broccoli, and then add the rest of the tomato juice.

Pour yourself a glass of tomato juice while you’re at it. Convince yourself that juice really is healthy, and that this counts as a serving of fruit. Stir the hash. Continue living a lie. Put the lid on, and let it cook for about 20 minutes- it should be nice and soft by the time it’s done.

Slice up the string cheese (or just tear it into chunks) and scatter it all over the hash. Concentrate it all over the section that just you’ll be eating- or, you know, just sprinkle it everywhere. Up to you.

In the meanwhile, fry the eggs. I like ‘em over easy myself, but you can leave the yolks as runny or as hard as you please!

Lay the fried eggs on top as a finishing touch- this is a yummy, filling, and carb free meal!

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