Peppermint Fudge

This isn’t how it was supposed to turn out. I wanted peppermint bark, even though everyone this year is saying it’s overrated. What did I get? A fudgy mess. But it still tasted good! And once I froze it, it turned out quite nice. So it wasn’t all bad. Reminds me of a few weeks ago, when a country thought it might be a good idea to put a dingbat in charge. I don’t think the freezer can save this one. I’m still with her. You have to keep this in the freezer constantly, or it’ll melt. Just like the ice caps. Don’t let yaself be fooled, no matter what the lunkheads think. Science doesn’t care what lunkheads think.

 

INGREDIENTS

 

8 oz semi sweet chocolate chips

10 oz white chocolate chips

1 cup half and half

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

1 teaspoon peppermint extract

Peppermints (use 1 or use 1000, I’m not here to tell you how to live your life)

 

Simple! But good. Oh, so good. Start with 2 pots. Put the white chocolate chips in one,

and the semi sweet chips in the other. I’ve always been curious about what would happen if you melted them together. I’ve always been too scared to try it.

Now pour ½ cup half and half into each. I may have told my mother I just used a splash of milk in each, so that she’d eat the fudge. Heh. Sorry mom. I love you!

Turn the heat to medium, then run around the kitchen screaming for 5 minutes because you can’t find any spoons. Settle for a risotto spoon and rubber spatula. It’ll be okay. By now, the chips are all nice and soft.

Stir them around, and it’ll turn into a nice smooth paste. It should still be pourable, though. If it’s too thick, just add in some more half and half. It never hurt anyone. Much. We’ll think about how many calories this has in 2017, shall we? We shall.

Now unwrap the peppermints!

You could also be a rebel and use candy canes. Only if you’re really hardcore, though. Put the peppermints in a plastic bag,

rab a rolling pin, and have at them!

I love smashing things. I know you do too. Everyone likes smashing things. If you don’t like smashing things, you have probably never heard of algebra II. And if you’ve never heard of algebra II, I envy you. Really.

Pour the peppermint bits into a bowl, it shouldn’t be a fine powder, but there shouldn’t be chunks large enough to break anyone’s tooth.

Spray a pan generously with nonstick spray-really spray it on there!

Now pour the white chocolate in- you can let it cool before pouring in the semi sweet chocolate, or you can do what I did and pour it right on top. It turned out fine in the end.

Sprinkle the peppermint bits on top, and stick it in the fridge for 4-5 hours.

Now the real trauma- I mean fun begins. Pry it out. Throw it on a cutting board.

. Stare bemusedly (I love that word) at the sticky mass before you. Consider hiding in the woods. Remember the woods are outside. Saw it into pieces,

and stick it in the freezer. Perfect! These are great for gifts- give them to yourself this year!

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