Muesli: Liechtenstein

Muesli: Liechtenstein

Storebought muesli is expensive, high in sugar and calories, and bewildering. Do you want cherry-chocolate? Do you want cinnamon-apple? Do you want vanilla-berry? Holy crap, do these things have more sugar than a candy bar? Might as well eat a Snickers for breakfast and call it a day.

Or, if you like the feeling of moral superiority that comes with eating myoooooooooooooooooooooosleeee, quit ferreting around the cereal aisle and make your own. It’s customizable. It’s easy. You can control the sugar and fat content. And just think of the bragging rights: not only are you one of the chosen healthy ones, eating meyouselly for breakfast, you’re making it yourself. That’ll show those PTA moms*. You ate granola for breakfast, Karen? Well, I ate HOMEMADE moosely.

You don’t need to know a PTA mom* to stick it to her.

**Yes, yes, not all PTA moms are like this. Chill, Susan.


1 cup rolled oats
¼ cup walnuts
¼ cup almonds
¼ cup dried cranberries (You can substitute any type of dried fruit, or leave it out if you’re not into jumpstarting your day with 32 grams of sugar. Coward.)
2 teaspoons cinnamon
1 teaspoon agave nectar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 teaspoons chia seeds

Preheat the oven to 325 F

Start by chopping up the walnuts, almonds, and cranberries. Set aside the cranberries.

Mix the nuts, chia seeds, and oats together, and then pour them out onto a baking sheet. Bake at 325 F for 15 minutes or until they’re lightly toasted. This step is optional, much like making this recipe. While they’re baking, do a little dance, or stuff your overgrown, massive, smelly baby of a dog into some American Girl doll clothes. My Buster looks darling in a dinner dress from colonial Williamsburg. Mix together the agave, cinnamon, and vanilla into a light syrup,

and then add in the cranberries. At this point, we have about as much sugar as a root beer float, but we’re going to be smug about eating this, because, well, a fitness blogger on Instagram told us to be. I don’t make the rules here. Add the toasted oats and co. into this, mix it up, and dump it back out onto the tray. Redundant, no? Now, be real cutesy-like and shape it into a heart.

Toast it for 15 more minutes at 325 F. Let it cool, and pour it into a jar. Eat it with milk, or add some more agave and shape it into bars. Or eat a pinch every time you walk by. Myoosli is good.

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