English Coffee Toffee

That’s right, people. I’ve expanded to confectionary. I bought a candy thermometer. Now my path to world domination is finally clear! Well, apart from the not being able to drive and lacking a puppy part. But, armed with this English coffee toffee, anything is possible! It’s easy as heck too, as long as you have a candy thermometer.




Coffee Toffee:


1 stick butter

½ cup sugar

2 tablespoons water

1 tablespoon vanilla

1 tablespoon instant coffee granules


Chocolate/Nut coating


1 cup chocolate chips

2 tablespoons half and half

1 cup chopped walnuts

Start by melting butter

and sugar in a pot.

Always a good start! Stick the candy thermometer in.

`Be sure not to leave it unattended, it will boil over and leave you in a bit of a sticky situation. Heh. My jokes just get more and more atrocious (one of my favorite words) as the year goes on. Make sure you stir it the whole time, too. Around 200 F, pour in the vanilla. You need to add a lot of vanilla to really taste it! I love vanilla. I don’t get why people use it to describe bland and boring things.

Now, take a deep breath, and chuck in the coffee.

As you stir it, it’ll turn the most gorgeous dark caramel color, and smell amazing. I love coffee. I believe in a past life, I was coffee. Anyone get the reference? Anyone? Is it just me? Okay.

Now it’s at 300 F!

Pour it into an ungreased pan,

nd stick it in the fridge for 30 minutes, or until it cools. In the meanwhile go do situps or walk your dog or look at memes or plot to overthrow the government. I like the last one, myself. In the past month I’ve done a LOT of plotting. I joke! Or do I? Deliberate that for half an hour, then take the toffee out.

Now grab a slotted spatula, summon up all your frustrations about, well, everything, and pry that toffee out. It’ll be hard. But you’ll survive. Never doubt that you are valuable, and powerful, and deserving of every opportunity to pursue your dreams, or in this case, toffee. Once it’s all out, taste a bit. This is what pure joy tastes like.

Now melt the chocolate with the half and half (I just like putting half and half in things),

nd get the chocolate, walnuts, and toffee together. I liked the toffee better plain, but you can’t go wrong with chocolate!


Dip the toffee in the chocolate,

and while it’s still soft, sprinkle nuts on either side and gently press them in.

Yum. Yummy. Very yummy. Make these little bites of happiness soon!


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