You may notice that my last recipe also has “creamy” in the title. This is because I got a new food processor after mine being broken for over a year, and I’ve been getting a little bit over enthusiastic with it. Tapenade is really best chopped with a knife instead of a food processor, but this turned out well, too! It got nice and creamy, but kept all of its flavors.
7 green olives (mine are garlic-stuffed because I live for garlic)
7 cloves of garlic
Zest of 1 lemon
1 tablespoon red wine vinegar
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 tablespoon sugar
Start by chopping up the olives in the food processor. You can use black olives if you like, but I’ve always liked green olives better.
Peel the garlic, throw it in, and chop that up too,
and then spend 10 minutes zesting the lemon. You could, of course, just squeeze in half a lemon. That’s also there. But I like the subtle, bright flavor of lemon zest.
Now pour in the olive oil and red wine vinegar. Go wild, use white wine vinegar if you have it. See, I used to be a stickler about recipes. I would stand there and painstakingly count out how many grains of rice in a cup, so I could recreate the recipe exactly next time I made it. I would roll a lemon back and forth for five minutes so it would be extra juicy. I measured vanilla extract, instead of upending the bottle over a bowl. But in the long run, does it all matter? There’s still an autocratic, psychopathic, despotic bully with the vocabulary of a megalomaniac three year old and the morals of a raccoon running the country. I’ve become desensitized to scandals, lawbreaking, blatant disregard for democracy and the American people, and not measuring vanilla extract. So use white wine vinegar if you like, basically. Throw in the salt and sugar,
and then puree it all up. Be careful when you add the salt- it’s already really salty from the olives! Taste it, and add more salt, sugar, or vinegar to taste.
Serve it with chips and crackers!