Creamy Pasta Puttanesca

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I was reading a cookbook the other day, and I came across a recipe for pasta puttanesca. I’ve only had pasta puttanesca twice in my life- once, when I had just watched A Series of Unfortunate Events (the one with Jim Carrey as Count Olaf, a true classic). I begged my mom to make it, and she made it- using a puttanesca spice mix. It was spicy. I cried. I ended up eating Annie’s mac and cheese. Tale as old as time. The second time, I was feeling brave, so I decided to make it myself. I was going through a bit of a phase, where I put sparkling water in EVERYTHING. Ever had sparkling tomato soup? Yeah, neither have I, because you see, heat gets rid of the carbonation. Long story short, I put sparkling water in the puttanesca. It was terrible. And now, there I sat, vowing to make a PROPER puttanesca! While all the ingredients are there (except for anchovies), the method is a little bit different, in that I changed everything and did nothing as I was supposed to.

 

INGREDIENTS

4.5 green olives

½ cup milk

1 tomato

3 tablespoons olive oil

½ head of garlic

2 tablespoons sugar

Looks innocent enough. Start by pureeing the garlic and olives together,

and then pouring in the olive oil.

I had originally intended to just use the food processor to chop everything up, and then proceed as normal. But then I got distracted by something (it was probably a bird), sliced up the tomato,

threw it in, and pureed it. Turned out to be a good thing! But three out of my five finest moments have involved Swarovski crystals and my dog, so don’t listen to me.

Throw in some salt, and then heat up some olive oil in a pan and throw in the mixture.

Let it heat and sizzle and bubble and fry and toil and trouble,

and then pour in the milk. Stir it in, and keep stirring until it all comes together. Stir it some more, just to be on the safe side.

It would be a good idea to boil some pasta, too. When the pasta is cooked, stir it in, and then shave some cheese on top. It’s not traditional puttanesca- but it is good.

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