I don’t like eggplant. I don’t like it at all. I think it’s slimy, and unappealing, and weird. Kind of like the government right now. The difference is, you can deep fry eggplant and make it good. Most things are good deep fried! That sounds so American. I’ve been trying to pass for French since the election. Two years of Rosetta Stone, and I’m still not past hon hon oui baguette. I’m hoping that my knowledge of how to tie a square scarf 73 ways and general disdain for people will help.
½ cup chopped walnuts. Not to be confused with ½ cup of walnuts, chopped.
1 tablespoon olive oil
½ tablespoon red wine vinegar
¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 head garlic
⅓ cup water
1 tablespoon sugar
1 tablespoon dried parsley
2 teaspoons ground coriander
Start by heating up some oil. This will take forever. This is normal.
In the meanwhile, slice up the eggplant. You want to make thin slices- not thick slabs that will break as soon as you try to roll them up. I speak from experience here.
Deep fry the eggplant- it will need to sit in the oil for about 3 minutes each side.
Now peel the garlic.
In the meanwhile, throw literally all the remaining ingredients in a blender. I’ve been saying literally a lot these days. I think it’s all the pumpkin spice lattes I’ve been drinking. It’s finally getting cold, which means I can drink all the caffeinated, liquidized pumpkin pie I want!
Puree everything in the blender, and then set it aside. It should be all soft and mushy now.
Remember to turn the eggplant over, or it’ll become burnt and useless. Kind of like behavioral economics. Okay, so behavioral economics isn’t burnt, but it sure is useless. Who thought this was a good idea?! And who thought the theory of rational expectations warrented a Nobel Prize?! People will use all the information available to them when making economic decisions? You mean people DON’T blindly gamble on their future? Revolutionary! Has anyone seen the picture of Robert Lucas holding his Nobel Prize? You can see the incredulity on his face that people actually fell for it. I think the whole thing is a con worthy of Machiavelli. Anyways. *Deep breath*. I’m okay now. All good. Just had to get that out. I’m just a bit touchy since the umpteenth behavioral economist got the Nobel Prize this year.
By now, all the eggplant should be done, so remove it to a plate lined with paper towels to drain all the oil. You really only need a couple of sheets- not half the roll.
Spoon on the paste, and spread it out. You can roll it up, if you like, or just leave it open. I left it open- much easier to eat!
Garnish it with cilantro to add a pop of freshness and color.